Who’s God is it Anyway?

Religion is always a touchy subject. Everyone has some sort of opinion and it’s a sure bet for raising hackles or provoking impassioned argument. Paradoxically it seems that people never appear more certain about anything than that for which there is no proof at all.

Here is a comment I recently read online from someone who seems pretty sure of what they don’t believe in:

“If there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence.”

Now what on earth makes you say that? Does the ability to create the universe suggest complete emotional security? From what viewpoint do you stand where you can so confidently make such a proclamation? Let us assume for a few paragraphs that a God of some sort does exist. What can we really infer from that? More generous still,  assume that this God of ours definitely created the universe (and politely ignore the chicken-n-egg style paradox of ‘How was God created then?’). Should the ability to create such things lead us to make any definite statements about our Builder’s personality? Its aforementioned ‘uneasy vanity’?

I find this a fascinating question. Who knows what our deity’s agenda is? Even if some sort of prophet really has preached a Creator’s actual teachings why on earth should blindly accept everything that we are told? Perhaps deitys get it wrong too, or are not to be trusted, Perhaps it is an all benevolent fatherly type with a special interest in homo-sapein? Perhaps it has a more universal concern for its entire creation and is more bothered about the upkeep of the many galaxies that seem to have popped up like weeds everywhere? Perhaps it got bored millennia ago or gave this universe up as a bad job and started again somewhere else. The reality of things could be that our deity is feeding us a warped and contradictory system of morals that we’ve blindly accepted and now it is laughing at us as we mill around in utter confusion. Maybe the universe is a farming ground and when we die our souls (why not? Lets throw the existence of a mortal soul in the melting pit too) depart for an ‘afterlife’ where the All-Powerful feeds on our essence to sustain itself? Egad, people have believed wackier things.

It seems to me that in the case of religion ‘faith’ is not so much belief as a fervent hope that something is so. God is created in the faithful’s image. This of course is no reflection on the whatever truth of the matter there might be. Perhaps that is not the point though, the way I see it religion is not, and has long not been anything to do with finding truth. People turn to religion for reassurance. Perhaps they want to know that there is some grand plan, or that someone is looking out for them. Maybe they need someone to confide in? That the those that have wronged them will ultimately be punished? That there is something other than oblivion after death? Someone to guide their life choices and give them conviction. Or they NEED answers to questions they can’t otherwise find answers for. That we’re all connected as a single universal energy?

That is why there as many ‘God’s as there are believers and why people will never agree. Even if there was irrefutable evidence as to the [non-]existence of a creator intelligence it wouldn’t stop people believing what they need to believe.

Or am I totally wrong on this one?

I Don’t Mean To Make Fun Of My Co-Workers But…

Actually I do. People who work in offices say the strangest things. After my first few years behind a desk I’ve come to the conclusion that they exist in an entirely separate universe where the normal laws of common-sense do not apply. Here’s a few stupid, entertaining or just plain annoying examples:

“I Literally Jumped Out Of My Skin”

Did you really? My god how horrendous! You can hardly tell at all, the scars have healed really well. Oh hang on what’s that? You mean you didn’t literally do that at all? Possibly you actually meant metaphorically…

Loads of variations on this, in which people make all sorts of declarations they (literally) don’t mean. My favourite was made on entrance of a co-worker stating that a client had arrived early and they were ‘literally shitting themselves’, much to the amusement of the whole room (and to their confusion).

“Going Forward…”

Egad. The ultimate business speak cliché used by management trainees everywhere. Usually accompanied by thrusting hand gestures and a patronising tone. Really meaning “In some vague future time ” or sometimes “I don’t want to talk about that anymore, lets talk about this“. The more I hear it the more it makes my skin crawl.

Touching Base

As in ‘We should touch base next week’. Never been 100% sure what this means. Contextual use of the phrase might suggest meeting up in person? ‘Doing Lunch’? It also sounds abit like a euphemism for taking drugs or possibly even something to do with fondling each other’s bottoms. I may never know.

The ‘Showbiz Laugh’

Watch out for this one in salesmen or anyone else who deals with customers. In a bid to keep a [potential] client sweet it appears you must dutifully laugh at regular intervals during conversation. Especially when on the phone! Even if it sounds completely mirthless, soulless and as if the laugher had long lost their will to live. I always imagine that when these people go home they must be a little like Barbie at the end of Toy Story 2 (if you’ve ever watched past the credits!)

“I Don’t Want To Sound Rude/Harsh/Mean/Bitchy But…”

Ah but you DO don’t you! Or at least you’re not going to let that stop you saying something Rude/Harsh/Mean/Bitchy regardless. Do you think prefixing an unpleasant comment with what is essentially a warning makes it any less Rude/Harsh/Mean/Bitchy? I hear this one on a daily basis (literally :-p). A nice slight variation on this theme is rounding off such a comment with ‘Oh, dear old <INSERT ABUSEE’S NAME HERE>. [S]he’s great really’.

metaphorically was